What It Means to Work Together: 3 Things the Same Team Mindset is Not
Empowered Couples harness the power of the Same Team Mindset to build an enduring relationship. The Same Team Mindset is a conscious choice by both partners to work together to overcome challenges, conflict and the stressors that life likes to throw their way. These couples know that for the relationship to survive, they must win together rather than at the expense of each other.
If the relationship feels like each partner is trying to be right and win at the expense of the other, then the Opposite Team Mindset has taken hold. This approach sees every challenge and conflict as competition between the partners and that there can only be one winner. Over time this creates distance and disconnect as each partner fires back at each other to win.
The truth is, if you want to win in a relationship, then you need to make sure that it is the relationship winning. Empowered Couples build an enduring connection by working as one team rather than becoming opposing teams. This shift in mentality by both partners completely alters their course and the actions they will take when facing good times and challenges.
While the Same Team Mindset is a powerful approach for couples to take, it can create some misunderstandings as to what it actually means and looks like in practice. As I’ve worked with couples on finding out what the Same Team Mindset would look to them, some common misconceptions have popped up. To help clarify what the Same Team Mindset is and is not, this post will address three of the common misconceptions to help create clarity and a willingness to embrace this mindset in your relationship.
Misconception #1: You Must Give In to Your Partner
A relationship is made up of two individuals who have their own unique experiences, thoughts, feelings, values, and ideas of how things should be. With this in mind, some partners worry, when first learning about the Same Team Mindset, that they have to give up their views and give in to their partner. This means that for the relationship to win, one partner must give in to avoid further conflict.
That is not at all what the Same Team Mindset is about or what it attempts to accomplish. If one partner has to give in consistently, the relationship is not winning. In fact, this creates a hierarchical power structure that gives one partner control of the relationship. That is more of the Opposite Team Mindset, which fosters disconnect through one partner winning rather than the relationship as a whole.
The Same Team Mindset encourages both partners to retain their individual identities while also creating a couple one together. This means that you do not have to give in to your partner. Rather, as a team, you will need to find ways to balance your different views and ideas to find solutions that will be acceptable to both of you. At times this may be easier said than done, which leads right into the second misconception about the Same Team Mindset.
Misconception #2: Disagreements will Never Happen
One of the certainties about relationships is that eventually there will be a disagreement between you and your partner. Empowered Couples do not fear disagreements because they use them as a way to make course corrections in their relationship. However, it does come up working with couples that if we are working with the Same Team Mindset and trying to win together, wouldn’t it make sense that the disagreements would go away?
While this would indeed be a great thing, you will be doing your relationship and partner a disservice if you expect it to happen. Again, a relationship is built up of two unique individuals with different values, experiences, needs and ideas. Believing that there will not be a disagreement is setting unrealistic expectations that will hurt the relationship big time.
So, if the Same Team Mindset doesn’t stop disagreements from happening, what does it do? Empowered Couples will have no problem telling you that this mindset changes the way disagreements are viewed. Instead of being seen as a problem for the relationship, disagreements are an opportunity for course correction and growth. The Same Team Mindset minimizes the damaging effects of disagreements and magnifies the opportunities that are there for the couple.
When conflict is not seen as an enemy and instead becomes a tool that can help the relationship, the balance in the couple relational bank account goes through the roof. Each partner feels confident that they will not only endure the struggles that come their way, but that they will also come out stronger as a couple. This is because the couple continues to work together to overcome their obstacles rather than seeing each other as the challenge.
Misconception #3: Only One Person Needs to Use It
A question I have heard several times from couples is whether or not the relationship will see the benefits of the Same Team Mindset if only one partner is invested. The reason this question comes up with certain couples is that one of the partners believes the answer is yes and the other agrees with no. It has come up enough that we will clear the air right now on this particular misconception. No, the Same Team Mindset will not work if only one person in the relationship is going to use it.
You cannot have a team that runs well together when only one person is committed to helping the team grow. Eventually, you will end up with the Opposite Team Mindset because disagreement and struggle will push the partners apart. The partner that is not committed to the Same Team Mindset will act under their own volition whereas their partner will start to feel their effort is not worth it.
Both partners need to be committed to the Same Team Mindset to empower their relationship. Also, each person needs to choose for themselves that they will commit to this mindset. When each partner mutually adopts this mindset, it creates a culture of growth and connection for the couple. If one is not willing to commit to working with their partner as a team, then it might be time to start looking at whether or not the relationship will be able to endure.
Empowered Couples build an enduring relationship by working together to overcome their challenges. The Same Team Mindset reinforces this approach and the connection the couple feels. What approach does your relationship take? What would the Same Team Mindset do for you and your partner? There’s no better time to find out than now!