Connecting to You Part 2: 6 Ways to Build a Relationship with Yourself
If you genuinely want to empower your life, then you have to stop neglecting yourself and start building a strong inner-relationship. It sounds like a simple concept, yet there is probably the question of how does someone do that? If you’re stuck on why this is important, make sure to read Part 1 to see what a strong inner-relationship can do for your life.
Before we get too far, I want to ask you what your vision for your life is? What do you hope to accomplish and who do you want to be? How similar is the vision you have for your life with the way you are living now? Are the two related, or is there a lot of differences?
Becoming familiar with your vision and where you are now can do two things for you. First, it can give you a starting point to know where you have been and where to go. Secondly, it provides a glimpse of whether you are nurturing or neglecting your inner-relationship. The further you are away from your vision, the less you have been focusing on the relationship within.
It’s time to empower your life by making the relationship you have with yourself a priority. It’s time to make deposits instead of withdrawals in your Personal Relational Bank Account. To help get you started, here are six tips that will help nurture that inner-relationship rather than let it be neglected!
Tip #1: Have some Self-Compassion
When somebody you love and respect makes a mistake, do you let them have it? Are you throwing their list of defects and screw-ups at them? Do you take it out on them again and again until you hurt their feelings enough that you know they will change? That doesn’t make any sense at all, does it? You would not treat someone you love and care for in that way. Yet, how often do you do this to yourself?
Frequently we treat ourselves in the very way we think is ridiculous to treat someone else when we have done something we are not overly proud of. This is a symptom of a disconnected relationship with yourself and a low balance in your Personal Relational Bank Account. By shaming and going after yourself, you only take more and more from this account and weaken your inner-connection.
Self-compassion is a way to prevent this outcome. You are human, which means you will make mistakes because you’re not perfect. When you practice self-compassion, you permit yourself not to be perfect and to recognize you are going to make some not so great calls at times. Having self-compassion allows you to keep your character intact while focusing on your behavior. You will learn from the situation so you can build yourself up rather than tearing yourself down. Self-compassion is a powerful deposit into the Personal Relational Bank Account, just when you need one!
Tip #2: Connect with Your Strengths
Everyone has strengths that are unique to them. If you have a lower balance in your Personal Relational Bank Account, chances are you are not using your strengths. To go even further, you might start believing you don’t have any. That is not the case; you absolutely have them, you just aren’t putting them to use.
Look back on your life and see if there are indications of what your strengths are. Examples could be you’re a leader, nurturer, altruistic, problem-solver, artistic, innovative, entrepreneurial, or trustworthy. If you are still struggling to identify them, ask someone who knows you well what they would say are your natural strengths and talents. Once you begin to home in on your strengths, put them into action and watch the changes in your life happen!
Tip #3: Align with Your Passions and Goals
What gets you out of bed in the morning? What fills you with energy and drive? What are you doing when you get lost in a flow? The innovative thinker Simon Sinek calls this finding your “why,” which is your reason to go and your reason to be. Finding your why aligns you with your passion, which will amplify the deposits you make and strengthen your inner-connection.
Identifying your passion is only the first step because without any action, your passion remains in the dream stage. Start making actionable goals with steps you can take to start realizing your passion and making it part of your life. As you connect with your inner-self and passion, you strengthen your self-relationship.
Where do you want to go in life?
Who do you want to become?
What are you doing to get there?
There's two paths:
The Same or Something New
Which will you take?
That path that will transform your life!
You're ready, so let's go!
Tip #4: Watch Your Self-Talk
You have an internal dialogue in your head, and what is said has a powerful impact on the way you experience life and feel about yourself. If someone you cared about were to hear the way you talk about yourself in your head, what would they think? How would they respond to your self-talk?
The more negative your self-talk is, the lower the balance in your account. Self-talk can make large withdrawals that definitely hurt. However, self-talk can also be an ally and make powerful deposits that lift you and let you live your life’s adventure fully. Take the time to track your self-talk and the types of things that is said. Check to see if you are making regular deposits or if withdrawals are more common. The goal is to maximize your deposits, and you can check out this blog post to get a couple of ideas on how to change your inner-dialogue.
Tip #5: Engage in Personal Growth
No matter where you are in life, there is always more to learn and room to grow. The more you invest in your personal growth, the higher the return on investment with the relationship you build with yourself. Personal growth allows you to create with some of the previous tips, such as maximizing your strengths, aligning with your passion, and improving your self-talk. We call that starting your Personal Revolution!
One of the obstacles to personal growth is the fear of change. The first step to change is typically the hardest, and once you do it, you will find you won’t want to turn back. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do for personal growth. The truth is, there are lots of things you can do, such as read books, journaling, start a new hobby, take a course, or work with a coach (we can help you with that!). The point is to reach out of your comfort zone and empower your life!
Tip #6: Serve Others
This may seem strange, but one of the best ways to build the relationship you have with yourself is to get out of your own life and serve others around you. This means doing things for them, not because they are expected or you get paid for it, but because you genuinely want to make a positive impact on their life.
Service can be helping someone to their car when it snows, carrying groceries, mowing their lawn, visiting with them when they are lonely and need someone to talk to, or running an errand for them. When you serve someone else with a genuine heart, you can’t help but feel positive feelings about that person and your actions. This is not a selfish recognition; instead, it is the good feeling of knowing that you were able to help lift someone up in their life. We could all use a little more of that in our lives!
I may sound like I’m on repeat here, but the relationship we often neglect the most is the one we have with ourselves. That doesn’t have to be the case though! To truly empower your life and enjoy the adventure that comes with it, build your inner-relationship so you can maximize all the other relationships you have. You are worth it, and you have what it takes to make this happen!